Spring has come to Paris. The season of love, as they call it. I assume it is the time of the year when one is supposed to be full of life and happiness. It does make me glad, but it certainly has not made me less tired. I have not found the courage in me to write this blogpost. Night after night I have tried, but in the end I was too exhausted to know where to begin. I have held it back for too long, there are even more things to tell, and I do not feel like writing what I meant to. Not now, at least.
One of my little joys in life is that my hair is finally long enough for a little bun. Jolly, is it not?
Based on my recent posts (or, my posts while living in France) you might think I always complain. I think that is the thing that prevented me from writing. I do not want you to think I am always on a bad mood, or find every single little thing worth complaining, it is just that for me, writing is much easier when I am feeling blue. When I am happy, I do not spend hours thinking about my life. And since there have been good days (no need to write), and bad days, when I was all exhausted, it led to this circle of not writing.
Six months gone by, six more weeks to go. It is time to go home, alright. I will miss Paris' little delights, such as my dear Shakespeare & Company, and for sure my friends (luckily most of them are Finnish, so I will see them more often than for example the German ones. But I cannot wait for you to come visit me!), my favourite vintage shops in Montmartre.. But mostly I think these months were a waste of my time. I have had to suffer because of being too kind, and ended up staying even if I wanted to leave.
As if I did not have enough worries already, I have been let down by someone I thought was different. Why do people say something, and then act the contrary? Even if the person was reading this, I do not know if they would recognise themselves. It is bittersweet to find someone who is strikingly similar, for instance when it comes to general interests in life, and afterwards be let down. It would be just fine, if they said they do not want to be friends, or what ever the problem is, but this kind of behaviour is not fair. Without going to further details I just have to wonder why some people find the simple task of answering, or writing back, so difficult.


P.S.  I am selling a pair of Minna Parikka ballerinas!

P.P.S. Before you think otherwise, I want to say that I have the best brothers, mum, dad, friends and readers. :-)


El said...

Beautiful pictures! Just beautiful!



Annuschka said...

nice pictures :)

ina said...

I think it's a Finnish feature to complain :)
Anyways, I hope that latest a couple of years from now you won't see this time as a waste of time, but you will remember the good things and put value to your experinces from there. I've learned myself that usually after some time (or years) most of the bad memories of something somehow go away and you're left with the good ones... Goes for relationships of all kind, neighbourhoods and a lot of things...

Kirsi said...

It made me so sad to read that you have been struggling there! But I have to agree with Ina, somehow some time in between tends to soften the sharpest edges of memories. I still hope you´ll be able to enjoy the rest of your time there (at least some of it). Perhaps try to say more NO to the duties and take your own adventurous paths exploring Paris while you still have the possibility..? Anyway, warm wishes from slushy Finland.

Piia said...

It's so sad to hear that you've not been happy in France. But I do think that after a while at least you start to appreciate more the time you've spent there. Even though you weren't always happy, you were able to live in a different culture, you grew more independent, and you got the opportunity to examine your life back home from far and get a new perspective on things. Maybe the time you spent there proves to be more important and valuable than you feel now. Hopefully, at least :). But it'll be nice to have you back in Finland.

Miss Tami Lee said...

Well, you spending springtime in France definitely is making me jealous! I'm sorry to hear you're feeling blue right now. Whoever has you feeling sad is a turd and not worthy of your time. Chin up pretty girl :)

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